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Jenny, my friend from college days said she was given this book, when she was grieving the passing of her mum, and it helped her so much she recommended it to me. I think it’s absolutely brilliant.

Eckhart Tolle is so clear and concise in his explanation I found him really easy to follow. I’ve read several books about living in the moment, mainly from Buddhist teachers, which I also love. But sometimes I struggle with the Sanskrit terms and perhaps because Eckhart Tolle is German, and I’ve grown up in a European environment, I find the style of his prose easy to grasp. He’s a true master and he’s got a great sense of humour too!

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Reconciliation: healing the child within.

“In each of us there is a young, suffering child. We all had times of difficulty as children and many of us have experienced trauma. To protect and defend ourselves against future suffering we often try to forget those painful times. Every time we’e i touch with the experience of suffering , we believe we can;t bear it and we stuff our feelings and memories deep dpwn in our unconscious mind. It may be that we haven’t dared to face this child for many decades.

But just because we may have ignored the child doesn;t mean she or he isn;t there. The wounded child is always there, trying to get our attention. The child says, “I’m here. I’m here. You can;t avoid me. You can’t run away from me.” We want to end our suffering by sending our child into a place deep inside, and staying as far away as possible. But running away doesn’t end our suffering; it only prolongs it.

The wounded child asks for care and love, but we do the opposite. We run away because we’re afraid of suffering. The block of pain and sorrow in us feels overwhelming. Even if we have time, we don’t come home to ourselves. We try to keep ourselves constantly entertained – watching television or movies, socializing, or using alcohol or drugs – because we don’t want to experience that suffering all over again.

The wounbded child is there and we don’t even know she is there. The wounded child in us is a reality, but we can’t see her. That inability to see is a kind of ignorance. The child has been severely wounded. She or he really needs us to return. Instead we turn away.

Ignorance is in each cell of our body and our consciousness. It’s like a  drop of ink diffused in a glass of water. That ignorance stops us from seeing reality; it pushes us to do foolish things that make us suffer even more, and that wound again the already wounded child in us.

The wounded chid is also in each cell of our body. There is no cell in our body that does not have that wounded child in it. We don’t have to look far into the past for that child. We only have to look deeply and we can be in touch with him. The suffering of that wounded child is lying inside us right now in the present moment.

But just as the suffering is present in every cell of our body, so are the seeds of awakened understanding and happiness handed down to us from our ancestors. We just have to use them. We have a lamp inside us, the lamp of mindfulness, which we can light anytime. The oil of that lamp is our breathing, our steps, and our peaceful smile. We have to light up that lamp of mindfulness so the light will shine out and the darkness will dissipate and cease. Our practice is to light up the lamp.

When we become aware that we’ve forgotten the wounded child in ourselves, we feel great compassion for that child and we begin to generate the energy of mindfulness. The practices of mindful walking, mindful sitting, and mindful breathing are our foundation. With our mindful breath and mindful steps, we can produce the energy of mindfulness and return to the awakened wisdom lying in each cell of our body. That energy will embrace us and heal us, and will heal the wounded child in us.

Listening

When we speak of listening with compassion, we usually think of listening to someone else. But we must also llisten to the wounded child inside of us. Sometimes the wounded child in us needs all our attention. That little child might emerge from the depths of your consciousness and ask for your attention. If you are mindful, you will hear his or her voice calling for help. At that moment, instead of paying attention to whatever is in front of you, go back and tenderly embrace the wounded child. You can talk directly to the child with the language of love, saying, “In the past, I left you alone. I went away from you. Now, I am very sorry. I am going to embrace you.” You can say, “Darling, I am here for you. I will take good care of you. I know that you suffer so much. I have been so busy. I have neglected you, and now I have learned a way to come back to you.” If necessary, you have to cry together with that child. “Breathin n, I go back to my wounded chld; breathing out, I take good care of my wounded child.”

You have to talk to your child several times a day. Ony then can healing take place. Embracing your child tenderly, you reassure him that you will never let him down again or leave him unattended. The little child has been left alone for so long. That is why you need to begin this practice right away. If you don’t do it now, when will you do it?

Introduction. pages 1-4.

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True Love. A Practice for Awakening the Heart, by Thich Nhat Hanh.

“In this little treasure, Thich Nhat Hanh, the renowned Zen monk, offers timeless insight into the nature of real love. With simplicity, warmth and directness, he explores the four key aspects of love as described in the Buddhist tradition: lovingkindness, compassion, joy and freedom – explaining how to experience them in our day-to-day lives. He also emphasizes that in order to love in a real way, we must first learn how to be fully present in our lives, and he offers simple techniques from the Buddhist tradition that anyone can use to establish the conditions of love.”

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Beyond the Self. Teachings on the Middle Way, by Thich Nhat Hanh.

“Beyond the Self is Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s original translation of and commentary on one of Buddhism’s central teachings, The Sutra on the Middle Way. With thoughtfulness and compassion, Nhat Hanh shows us how we can avoid extreme views and transcend dualistic thinking, and in doing so transform the way we see the world. With a whole section devoted to practical application of the sutra, Nhat Hanh suggests that instead of focusing on what we ike and dislike in and around us, we find equanimity by making peace with the moment that exists. When we practice according to the Middle Way, we don’t exclude anything, even our dissatisfaction and suffering. Nhat Hanh reminds us that when we embrace all experiences and aspects of life, we can find tranquility.”

♥

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Claiming Your Self Esteem. A Guide out of codependency, addiction and other useless habits. By Carolyn M. Ball, M.A.

“Discover the crucial missing links between self-esteem, codependency and addiction. In this book you will,

Learn how to love and respect the most important person in your life – You!

Learn how to become your own best friend,

See how to replace failure with success,

Find out how to use negative feelings and experiences to create the positive changes you want in your life,

Discover how to create relationships that are supportive and fulfillling, and

Experience being at home inside yourself.

Claiming Your Self-Esteem teaches you these and other important aspects of improving self-esteem. Through discussions of the dynamics of self-esteem, stories of successful transformations, and powerful exercises that really work, Carolyn Ball demonstrates that when we learn to love and respect ourselves, we can live the kind of happy and creative lives we have always wanted.”

♥

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The Flight From Intimacy by Janae B. Weinhold, PhD & Barry K. Weinhold, PhD.

“Do you know someone who…

• Has trouble being close to others?
• Has a strong need to be right – all the time?
• Acts self-centred and egotistical?
• Never asks for help?
• Has to look good all the time?
• Works long hours but never finishes?
• Expects perfection in self and others?
• Seldom appears vulnerable or weak?
• Has difficulty relaxing?

If so, this person may suffer from counter-dependency, the little known flip side of co-dependency. The Flight From Intimacy, by psychologsts Janae and Barry weinhold, reveals counter-dependency as the major barier to creating intimate relationships. People with counter-dependent behaviours appear strong, secure and successful on the outside, while on the inside they feel weak, fearful, insecure and needy. They function well in the world of business but often struggle in intimate relationships. Being in a relationship with this type of person can be extremely frustrating.

The Flight from Intimacy shows readers how to recognize and cope with counter-dependent people.  And if you recognize yourself in the description above, this book will help you learn how to change. It taches readers how to use committed relationships to heal childhood wounds and provides proven ways to use conflicts as opportunities for creating intimate, partnership relationships.”

♥

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You Might Be A Narcissist If..by Paul Meier M.D., Lisa Charlebois L.C.S.W. and Cynthia Munz L.M.F.T. “How to identify narcissism in ourselves and others and what we can do about it.”

“Find out if the stress in your relationships with family, friend, or at work is unknowingly caused from narcissism in yourself or others… Narcissism is actually much more common than we may think and, in reality, most of us have some of these characteristics.”

♥

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Treatment of the Narcissistic Neurosis by Hyman Spotnitz and Phyllis W. Meadow.

“A natural extension of Frued’s theory and technique. The powerful therapeutic effect of constructive aggression.”

♥

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A self-help guide to overcoming depression, using cognitive behavioural techniques, written by Paul Gilbert.